Couple

In many intercultural couples, one partner may come from a collectivist background (emphasizing obedience and family hierarchy) while the other comes from an individualist one (emphasizing independence and negotiation). This can lead to a “Strict Cop / Fun Cop” dynamic when it comes to parenting styles.

Focus on finding a middle ground. Instead of choosing one culture’s style, identify the core value behind what is driving each perspective and work to identify a middle ground which can suit your situation. For example, if one parent wants a strict bedtime and the other wants bonding or independent time, a middle ground may be planning to have a block of time before bedtime for binding, or independent activities.

Extended families often feel they have a stake in the grandchildren, especially regarding religion, diet, and/or language. Couples must communicate and compromise as needed to reach a decision privately and then have the partner from that specific culture deliver the news to their family. 

This can help to prevent the other partner being cast as a villain. Even within families that are of a single culture, family can be a hurdle in terms of how you raise your children. The important part is to have boundaries and communicate as a couple.

It is important to communicate and be proactive about integrating traditions, holidays and other cultural elements into your family. If one culture is the dominant culture where the family lives, it can lead to resentment if the other culture is steamrolled by local holidays and customs. It is important that both cultures be valued, and no culture be specifically favored or forced on children. 

Exposure to not only the parent’s cultures, but a variety of cultures and incorporating specific family traditions, which can be as simple as the particulars about how you greet elders, or music that is played, or culturally unique holidays and traditions is great for children.